2007
That is when the first iPhone was released. It doesn't seem that long ago...
I ended up going back to having a house phone in 2003 because it was just easier where I lived. There wasn't cellular service, and when there was, it wasn't reliable. That's rural Vermont for you!
Let's fast forward to 2007. I moved to another state with my boyfriend at the time and he owned a cell phone that he used as his only phone. It seemed silly to get another landline when he had a cell phone, so I went back to owning a cell phone. This time I bought the Motorola Razr. That phone lasted me another 3 years and was just what I needed. I was able to talk and text. Boom! I still had my TI-82 calculator at home and my mini solar calculator in my purse. I had a computer for typing documents and emailing. I had my 35 mm film camera as well as my Kodak Advantix camera for pictures (yes, the Razr had a camera, but it was terrible). I had my library card to get books. I had my USA Road Atlas and all of my USGS trail maps. I had my CD player and multiple binders of CDs I bought and burned on my desktop computer... Life was good.
Then, things started changing. Faster.
In 2008, we moved back to NY. Our friends were starting to buy these fancy iPhones. My boyfriend and I didn't think we needed them. We had everything we needed from other devices. We even went cutting edge and bought a Nintendo Wii and a digital camera. We got the internet at our house. So many changes for us, and we were happy.
But cell phones just kept getting smarter, more convenient, and less expensive. They had all the tools I used on a daily basis in one handy device. By the time 2011 rolled around, we had gotten married and had a baby. I decided I wanted to TRY some sort of smart device, but I wasn't giving in to getting a smartphone, yet. So I "cheated" and bought an iPod touch. I could use it like a smart device at home on wifi. It had a decent camera (not as good as my digital camera) and I could use it to check the weather and play music. It seemed to be a good segway for me. Another year and a half went by and I started an Instagram account. I had had social media before (Friendster, MySpace, even Facebook) so it wasn't new to me. But with Instagram, I posted digital pictures from my little hand-held device. Now, having a digital camera on my device had become more important. I had lots of cute baby pics to share! That's when I noticed my iPod became my main camera, calculator, walkman, etc. I needed to bite the bullet and just get that smartphone! I ended up with a nice Android phone that I could use on cellular for all the things. My favorite was driving directions! So convenient!
Today...
I know a couple of people without cell phones. A couple. Like, two. I think at this point, they don't have cell phones because they are either afraid of it or they just refuse to learn. It has become a heel-digging-in-you-can't-make-me type of thing. Which is fine; you do you.
But let's talk about real life. Phones just make things easier. People realize this and phone ownership has risen significantly over the years. See the graph below.
Honestly, this chart surprises me that more than 60% of respondents had a cellphone when they started collecting data in 2002! Of course, I lived in rural VT where there wasn't service and it was just silly to pay for the extra cost for something you might not be able to even use.
Why am I telling you all of this?
Cell phones, screen time, the internet... they are not going away. They make life easier and solve problems faster. They are tools that people use to make their lives easier.My oldest was born in 2011. She doesn't know the world without cellular phones and smart devices. When I approach parenting, I know that blocking it all and not letting them see or do any of it is not a reasonable approach. These kids are digital natives and the technology they will encounter in their lifetimes will be above and beyond what we have now.
Our job? We need to teach them to analyze, and critically think about, and train them to be safe when approaching new technologies. We need to make the decisions for them on when it is appropriate to introduce these devices. These kiddos are super comfortable using the technology, but are they mature enough to make the right decisions?
Let's start by analyzing the digital landscape ourselves.
In 2023, children are spending more time on screens than ever before. It isn't just for enjoyment or talking to friends. At school, students use screens in their classrooms for education and learning. Parents/guardians need to be more watchful and careful of what their children are exposed to and how much time they are really spending online. Screens are present on more than just phones and TVs. At home, we have tablets, computers, and smart home devices with screens. At school, there are Panels, Chromebooks, and TV projection devices within the schools.
Another way children are using digital platforms is through social media. They bridge the distance gap and meet with others around the world. Yes, it is great that my kids can play video games with their cousins and video chat with their grandparents! But what about all those other aspects of social media? Most platforms require children to be 13 years old or older to join. How do they know? The children tell them. Can the children lie about this? Absolutely. Should kids have social media before they are 13? That is up to the parent/guardian. Even for kiddos older than 13, the threat of cyberbullying and online predators is real. Parents/guardians need to educate themselves on these platforms to make sure their children are safe, make good decisions, and who to go to when they need help.
So what can you do?
Communication
As a parent myself, the most successful piece of advice I have been given and use is to maintain open communication with your children about online safety. When one of my children asks me about using a new app or website, I ask them why they want to use it. This is usually answered with one of the following:
- All my friends use it (not true)
- Everyone talks about it (probably true)
- It's super fun and cool! (maybe true)
To these responses, I try to be honest. Unless it is something I know is completely inappropriate (rated Mature in a video game, Explicit in music ratings, or rated PG-13 or above for movies), to which I will say no (I'm not that evil, but currently my two are under the age of 13).
How do I be honest? I ask them honest questions. I also tell them my fears. When they wanted to play Roblox, for example, I had heard about a bunch of inappropriate things happening in the game. The kids assured me that didn't happen. So, I found the news articles I had read and showed them. We talked about my concerns. As a family, we talked about what they should do if anything happened while playing ANY game online. We talked about other situations like chatting with strangers, making "friends" with people they didn't know, and what limits should be set. When the kids help make their own limits, it is easier (NOT EASY... EASIER) to get the to quit when they have had their time. If they get angry or don't want to quit, I talk honestly with them that maybe they NEED a break because their behavior is inappropriate. I also ask them about their games. Who are they playing with? How do you play the game? What is their record? That keeps the conversations flowing.
Modeling
The next thing I do is try to teach and model responsible usage. It is awfully difficult for my children to understand the limits we make on technology if I am sitting on the couch, glued to my phone. When I do use it, if it is at a time when they aren't using theirs, I usually explain why I have it. "Grandma texted me." "I'm going to look up a recipe for dinner." "I have to finish this lesson plan for work."
I will say, I have been better about having the kids help me with certain things. "Hey, I'm going to look up a recipe for mushroom chicken tonight. Can you help me?" Or, better yet, "Let's use this cookbook to find some recipe ideas!" If I am doing jobs around the house, I want the kids to be involved so they can learn. Yes, it makes everything longer, but it is worth it in the end. I promise! Kids love jobs when they are being helpers.
Parental Controls
I also use Parental Control Software for my kids. Our kids have Nintendo Switches and old phones that work on wifi so they can play some games. The Nintendo Switches have a parental control app that allows me to limit their time, set different days, restrict levels (mature content), and get monthly summaries of what they are playing. I know other gaming consoles do as well. You just have to search.
As for the phones, we are Android people, so we use the Google Family Link app. As with the Nintendo application, we can limit screen time, and allow and block certain applications (even put limits on them). We can also find their devices, lock them on the spot, and get reports. Family link works on their phones and their (home) Chromebooks. If you are an Apple person, I know that there are Parental Controls for all of their devices as well.
Some other parental controls I use are on Spotify (music), our internet at home (our modem has an app where we can turn off/on the internet for certain devices), and Facebook Messenger Kids. Most applications that are built to share with kids under 13 have these controls; you just have to look for them.
Stay Informed
Finally, I try my best to stay informed. I talk to other parents. I read articles online about the games they're playing or the social media they are using. I talk to my kids about them. Technology moves so fast that I doubt I'll ever keep up, but I can try!
There are so many other things you can do, but this is a good starting point for anyone just dipping their toes into the pool of screen time for kids. I always say, that being a parent is one of the hardest jobs I've ever had, if not the hardest. My kiddos often get a very tired mama at the end of the work day. We have to stay strong and do what is best for our children, no matter how hard it is.
Lancy Collins
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